Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Tortured

Well, I finally got out after what seemed like an eternity. Life on the ward with so few distractions and so many unwell people around you just doesn't seem all that therapeutic.

So what happened? Well, I lost it. I went stark raving mad,... or something close to it. The police were involved and I was hauled into the locked down ward which got me even crazier. But I dont't really want to talk about that.

There was a definate Trigger. But I don't really want to talk about that either. No, that's not true. I want to. Very much so, but I haven't made much sense of it myself to be able to put it into words and sentences that would make sense to anyone else.

I've been crying so much I could barely breathe. There's so much pain and anxiety behind the Trigger. Buried so deep and yet revealed,... I feel my soul put on display and tortured with a branding iron. My life is completely unrevelling. My trust broken and betrayed. I feel so cheated and betrayed.

I don't know what else to say. I'm trying to make sense of it. I need to make sense of it before it destroys me completely.

9 comments:

Anonymous Drifter said...

I'm so sorry you're going through this pain. I hope you find a little peace today *hugs*

Wandering Coyote said...

HUGS, Polar Bear. You WILL work through this! Take good care.

Aqua said...

Hi PB,
I am thinking of you and sending you some big warm hugs over the airways. It sounds awful, what you have been through.
love and hugs,
aqua

Stephany said...

I'm glad you are out of the hospital, I understand, and am sending you support. You'll be OK.

Borderline Lil said...

You're strong, PB, and you will make sense of this and move forward, I know it. Huge love to you xx Glad you're home again.

sansanity said...

HUGS!

Judit Lingon said...

I'm sorry to hear this! hope soon it easens up!

Harriet said...

I'm so sorry this happened, but I'm glad you're out. You're right, it doesn't sound therapeutic at all, it sounds awful. And I'm sorry you are in pain, I'm thinking about you....

Suzanne said...

I'm so glad you're back with us. Hang on in there. x