Monday, February 22, 2010

Not playing by the rules

You're not supposed to do this. You're not supposed to let me know now that you do listen, and that you do care. You're not supposed to make an incredibly thoughtful move like this and use your words to seduce me the way you'd done the last 5 years. You can't just tell me something like this, as if you do care. You can't just clear your conscience by putting all this into writing, and then make sure that this is one piece of paper that will always sit in my folders haunting me the way spirits haunt an abandoned house.

You're not playing by the rules, you're not being fair.

You can't just do this and break me down further.

You're not allowed to take the wind out of my sail. You're not supposed to break down the resolve I have built up in my heart. You're not allowed to make me doubt and become uncertain about my plans. At this stage of the game, YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO DO THIS. You cannot prove to me now that you still have my best interest in your heart. I have waged a war against you, and I have become COMFORTABLE with this. I am OK with this. I WANT. TO. BE. ANGRY. I. NEED. TO. BE. ANGRY.

You're being unfair. You're cheating. That's not fair.


eeabee said...

I've been feeling really jerked around emotionally by my therapist--sometimes that happens even when they mean well. It can feel or even be cruel in effect.

Harriet said...


It sucks sometimes.