If only you knew what is in my mind. But I'm not going to hold you hostage.
Pain is desire - desire for something we cannot have. Is a better life something I can never have? Is that what you are trying to say to me? Should I stop wanting? How do I stop wanting? I want to stop wanting.
Yesterday you told me how frustrated you are with me. And I'm sorry. I'm sorry I don't get it. I'm sorry I didn't watch my words and made you angry. It's hard for me to know what the right words would be. And now I am scared, I am scared of my words tripping me up again, making you frustrated, making you angry enough to ask me to leave. I'm sorry - I am so quick to apologise because I couldn't imagine what I would do if you asked me to leave.
I'm sorry you need to talk to your consult group about me. I'm sorry you need motivation to work with me. I try to be good. Sometimes I try so hard. And I still let you down. Just like how I let everybody down.
I don't want to cry anymore, and yet lately that seems to be all I ever do. I'm so tired of crying. Once the floodgates are opened, how do I stop crying? And when the world seems as if it will never be OK again, when my heart physically hurts in my chest, what do I tell myself to ease that incredible agony?