I have things to live for. I've worked very hard to attain the things that I have. Through much luck, I have a respectable job and I know that when I am well, I do a good job. People have told me so. I also mess up, and I've dropped the ball many times. There are times when I know I should be doing work but my mind is elsewhere fretting over things that I fret about. And yes, there are times when I do a mediocre job and pass it off when I could have done so much better.
But I'm human, and I can accept that. What I don't understand is why I am so willing to give everything up, everything that I have worked so hard for, everything that I have earned, every inch through blood, sweat and tears - why would I give all that up because I am losing the connection to the one person in my life who has truly understood me and attempted to help me?
Why does it feel as if everything is meaningless without the support and contact with this one person? Why does it matter so much? Why does it hurt so much? Am I doomed to live with this attachment issue all my life? Why am I doomed to live this way?
Would I really be willing to give everything up for this one heartache that has never healed and the one heartache I can never hope to heal?