Friday, March 12, 2010


I have things to live for. I've worked very hard to attain the things that I have. Through much luck, I have a respectable job and I know that when I am well, I do a good job. People have told me so. I also mess up, and I've dropped the ball many times. There are times when I know I should be doing work but my mind is elsewhere fretting over things that I fret about. And yes, there are times when I do a mediocre job and pass it off when I could have done so much better.

But I'm human, and I can accept that. What I don't understand is why I am so willing to give everything up, everything that I have worked so hard for, everything that I have earned, every inch through blood, sweat and tears - why would I give all that up because I am losing the connection to the one person in my life who has truly understood me and attempted to help me?

Why does it feel as if everything is meaningless without the support and contact with this one person? Why does it matter so much? Why does it hurt so much? Am I doomed to live with this attachment issue all my life? Why am I doomed to live this way?

Would I really be willing to give everything up for this one heartache that has never healed and the one heartache I can never hope to heal?

1 comment:

Forbidden Regrets said...

Being lonely in a crowded room. Feeling sad and not knowing why, not being able to sleep, waking up in the morning not being able to move, giving up your life out of no choice, crying for no reason, making a demon appear in your head. Listen to its horrid world making your life spin in circles not knowing what path to take. The dead end of a road. The coffee black peice in your soul, not resting till the end of time, never leting it forget you, eating your soul, mind and heart. Try to run as you will, you life will be taken. Draging you one foot at a time into hell. The suicide you wish you could have just to end the pain. Pity when you hate others sympathy. Self hatred, sadness, anger, darkness, deadly, lonely, sorrowing, regreting, perpetual, and killing. Giving up your dreams to be stuck in the enternal force of demonic gravity. It is a world. It is my life.