I've been away a while, I know. I don't know what to say. My feelings fluctuate, and I'm rarely ever sure what it is I am feeling at any one time. Mostly I can say it's feelings of sadness, but there is anger too, there is frustration, and there is that mixed state which is neither here nor there.
Work crises has been keeping me busy, but every day I still go home to an empty home and I have to tend to that screaming mad witch who hates me desperately at the moment. Yes, the self loathing is horrible. It's tearing me apart.
The tsunami of emotions continues to drown me. I want things to end on a good note and that's what I told her. She deserves that much at least from me, after 6 years. But her lack of trust of me at the moment is making me wild with rage.
I have so much to lose...