Monday, May 31, 2010

I will

I'll put on a face, show you my brave front, though I am dying inside.

I'll even smile for you, just so I can make YOU smile.

I'll tell you I am OK, even though I am so far from that.

I'll thank you with my eyes, lock the tears inside, hide behind the veil.

I'll do all that for you.

I'll do all that for you. Because it's just the way I am.

I'll do all that for you. Because after all these years, I owe you that much.

6 comments:

Harriet said...

{{{{hugs}}}} polar bear. I'm sorry you are hurting.

Stephany said...

I'm going to direct you to this post of mine:

http://bipolarsoupkitchen-stephany.blogspot.com/2010/02/life-has-purpose.html

Life has purpose

Because, I needed to hear it, and we all need to constantly remember it.

The quote from Samuel Beckett:

"Perhaps it's done already, perhaps they have said me already, perhaps they have carried me to the threshold of my story, before the door that opens on my story, that would surprise me, if it opens, it will be I, it will be the silence, where I am, I don't know, I'll never know, in the silence you don't know, you must go on, I can't go on, I'll go on."

---Samuel Beckett

Jennifer, aka beautiful mind, complex life said...

Your post reminds me of a poem, "Not waving, but drowning", which is about a person in the ocean, drowning, while people watching assume he is saying hello. It's easier for other people when we hide our difficulties in life for the purpose of making everyone feel better.

But it doesn't help us, ourselves, to do this, because it's dishonest and disrespectful to the pain that we are actually experiencing. Of course, no one would want to live in a world where everybody is depressed all the time.

But it is perfectly natural for people to have some kind of hard thing to deal with in life, such as a psychiatric illness, and the thought that our entire culture is supposed to where a collective happy face is an idea that is ridiculous and based on falsehood.

There is a great book about this right now called Bluebird: Women and the New Psychology of Happiness by Ariel Gore, and another one called Blind-Sided: How the Relentless Promotion of Positive Thinking Has Undermined America. I really recommend those books as they make some excellent points on this topic.

Basically, my point here is that if you're in pain, you should be able to express that pain. Since you're doing that with this blog, which is great, you are expressing it, but you do not owe the people around you a happy face.

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