The grief isn't buried as deep as I thought/wanted it to be. All she did was scratch the surface and the dam broke, and it was all I could do to stay afloat in the rushing tide of water.
It was compounded by the voice in my head telling me that drowning would be so much easier. You simply let go... let go of everything and stop fighting because the more you fight, the more agonising it is going to be.
Just let go.
Why can't I?