Monday, May 02, 2011

Hurt runs deep

The dream was intense enough to produce real tears. I woke myself up by crying,... one of those “crying dreams” as I call them (Do other people have them?). This one was about my mother (it usually is about her). In the dream she cut me out of her life, subtly at first, by not responding to me, but then when I couldn’t get a hold of her, it came out that she didn’t want to be my mother anymore.

Freud would have a field day with this.

I haven’t lived with my mother in over 20 years, and since then, have had only very limited time with her spanning years in which I don’t see her at all. How then, is that hurt little girl still alive? Why does she haunt me so?

How do I bury her forever?

5 comments:

Sairs said...

I have had crying dreams. Usually they are when people I love die or something really bad happens to them. I haven't had one for a while thankfully but they hurt like hell don't they? Be gentle with yourself.
*hugs*
Sarah

Borderline Lil said...

My poor PB, aren't crying dreams awful? I know what you mean about the hurt little girl. Thinking of you often xx

Disillusioned said...

This echoed with me too. How powerful are these fears and longings.

Sid said...

I think everyone has crying dreams, even the "sane" people. As for the hurt little girl, I think she'll be alive until we allow her to heal and move on...at least that's what I believe about the one that resides deep inside me.

Polar Bear said...

@Sairs
Thanks for sharing. It's not nice to know other people have these dreams too as they are painful and unpleasant, but it's nice to know I'm not alone...

@Lil
Yes, they are. I guess you get them too?

@Disillusioned
Incredibly powerful aren't they? I wish they weren't so. I wish we could break away from our past. I used to think with time these things do, but it appears sometimes they come back as strong as ever.

@Sid
It's hard to move on though. I guess they stay in our unconscious for a long time...