Thursday, December 15, 2011

Change is the only constant

So many changes to come in the new year.  People coming, people going.  And I'm floating on this tidal wave, helpless as to where I am being tossed.  As if my efforts are worth nothing.  Just like my existence means nothing.  I'm not getting where I want to be.  I'm not getting what I need.

How do I cope? How do I cope without you?

When did everything, every emotion, every thought, start to revolve around you?  How do I free myself from you?  I've used anger.  Oh I've stirred the cauldron of rage until it has spilled over.  Until I am swept up in a sea of murky bitterness and hate.  And when I am finally spent, I discover a growing emptiness that cannot be plugged.  This is the cycle of my emotions.

Every day I live and I breathe and always the pain shadows me. Is there no disconnect?  Can I not simply stop living,... or have I already done so?  I don't know anymore.

2 comments:

NormalWasNotMyGoal said...

PB, I'm glad you posted, it's good to hear from you.
However I am sorry to how low you're feeling.
I want to tell you that I spent nearly 5 years of my life in some sort of my-therapist-kicked-me-out grief. Only recently with the help of an amazing and supportive therapist have I started to get through it.
Please don't give up, you're worth it.

Harvey Wildlife Photography said...

Never give up. I hope things get better for you. I love polar bears too. I hope these galleries lift your spirits...

http://www.harveywildlifephotography.ca/#/north-american-bears/polar-bear-moms-and-cubs-2010-2011/polar-bear-family-portrait

http://www.harveywildlifephotography.ca/#/north-american-bears/polar-bear-moms-and-cubs-2012/affectionate-cubs

Cute Polar bear video of a polar bear cub in a den:
http://www.harveywildlifephotography.ca/#/news-safari-links-and-animal-stories/abc-news-wwf-and-photographers-on-a-polar-bear-safari