So many changes to come in the new year. People coming, people going. And I'm floating on this tidal wave, helpless as to where I am being tossed. As if my efforts are worth nothing. Just like my existence means nothing. I'm not getting where I want to be. I'm not getting what I need.
How do I cope? How do I cope without you?
When did everything, every emotion, every thought, start to revolve around you? How do I free myself from you? I've used anger. Oh I've stirred the cauldron of rage until it has spilled over. Until I am swept up in a sea of murky bitterness and hate. And when I am finally spent, I discover a growing emptiness that cannot be plugged. This is the cycle of my emotions.
Every day I live and I breathe and always the pain shadows me. Is there no disconnect? Can I not simply stop living,... or have I already done so? I don't know anymore.