So many changes to come in the new year. People coming, people going. And I'm floating on this tidal wave, helpless as to where I am being tossed. As if my efforts are worth nothing. Just like my existence means nothing. I'm not getting where I want to be. I'm not getting what I need.
How do I cope? How do I cope without you?
When did everything, every emotion, every thought, start to revolve around you? How do I free myself from you? I've used anger. Oh I've stirred the cauldron of rage until it has spilled over. Until I am swept up in a sea of murky bitterness and hate. And when I am finally spent, I discover a growing emptiness that cannot be plugged. This is the cycle of my emotions.
Every day I live and I breathe and always the pain shadows me. Is there no disconnect? Can I not simply stop living,... or have I already done so? I don't know anymore.
Thursday, December 15, 2011
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1 comments:
PB, I'm glad you posted, it's good to hear from you.
However I am sorry to how low you're feeling.
I want to tell you that I spent nearly 5 years of my life in some sort of my-therapist-kicked-me-out grief. Only recently with the help of an amazing and supportive therapist have I started to get through it.
Please don't give up, you're worth it.
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